نص الشاعر وديع سعادة
استعادة شخص ذائب
هذه البحيرة ليست ماء. كانت شخصًا تحدثتُ إليه طويلاً، ثم ذاب!
ولا أحاول الآن النظرَ إلى ماء بل استعادةَ شخص ذائب.
كيف يصير الناس هكذا بحيرات، يعلوها ورق الشجر والطحلب؟!
قطرةً قطرة ينزل الموتى على بابي
ومركبٌ يتوقف من أجلي تحت الشمس
وجالية فقيرة من الرعشات تعود إلى الرمل.
لم أرتجف. لكني جُننت. الماء بارد لكني لم أرتجف. فقط ارتعشتُ قليلاً. ثم جُننت.
على سطح البحيرة ورقة، كانت عينًا. على الضفَّة غصن، كان ضلعًا بشريًا.
أحاول الآن جَمْعَ الأوراق والغصون. أحاول جمع شخص كنت أحبُّه.
لكن مرَّ كثيرون من هنا، جمعوا ورقًا وحطبًا ليشعلوا مواقدهم.
لن يتمَّ أبدًا جمْعُ شخص. لن يتمَّ جمع أعضاء كاملة. كثير منها احترق.
مع ذلك لا بدَّ من أن أعيد شخصًا كنت أحبّه. على الأحبَّاء أن يعودوا إذا ناديتهم. عليهم أن يعودوا ولو كانوا ماء. لو كانوا أمواتًا. لو كانوا طحلبًا… على الطحلب أن يصير إنسانًا حين تستدعيه. ويأتي لو مبلَّلاً، لو مترهّلاً، لو عفنًا. عليه أن يعود صديقًا ولو مات منذ ألف عام.
يجب أن تكون هناك طريقة ما لجمع الناس عن الضفاف. طريقة لإعادة الأوراق والأغصان الطافية على البحيرات، بشرًا.
لم أرتجف. الأعضاء ارتجفت. وكان عليَّ أن أسدَّ الفراغ بين مفاصلها كي أوقف ارتجافاتها وتهدأ.
ولكن، كم طويلةٌ المسافةُ بين مفصلين! وكم أحتاجُ إلى ردم لسدّ الفراغ بينهما!
كم هي طويلة المسافة بين ضلع وضلع!
أجري بطيئًا، مثل آخر نقطة ماء نزلتْ، وتأخرتْ عن السيل.
أجري بطيئًا زاحفًا للالتحاق بالجريان، وأتبخَّر رويدًا رويدًا.
لن أصل. بعضي سيصير في الفضاء. وبعضي سيغرق في الأرض.
تأخرتُ عن رفاقي ولن أصل. أزحف لكني لن أصل.
قطَعٌ مني أفقدها، وقطعٌ ترافقني منهَكَة، وقطع تصير هباء.
حتى إذا وصلتُ، أيُّ شيء مني سيصل؟!
حولي عشب وحصى وتراب. طيرٌ ينقدُ بعضي. ونملٌ يأكل بعضي. وبعضي للعشب والحصى والتراب.
أجري بطيئًا وفوقي يصعد خيطٌ مني، وتحتي ينزل خيط مني. أجري بطيئًا بين إبرتين، تخيطان عدمي.
نزلتُ آخرَ نقطة. كنتُ في غيمة ونزلتُ. هل أنا الباحث عن شخص ذائب أم أنا الذائب؟ أم أني، من كثرة البحث عن ذوبانه، ذبتُ مثله؟
وصرتُ، عوض أن أبحث عنه، أبحث عني!
أرى على الطريق أشخاصًا عابرين. بعضُ ما بقي مني يرى أشخاصًا. هؤلاء، على الأرجح، لم يفقدوا شخصًا أحبُّوه. أم أنهم فقدوه، ومع ذلك يكملون الطريق؟!
لا أعرف كيف لا تتوقف أرجلنا عن المشي حين نفقد شخصًا نحبُّه. ألم نكن نمشي لا على قدمينا بل على قدميه؟ ألم تكن النزهة كلها من أجله؟ ألم يكن هو النزهة؟
كيف يمشي واحدٌ إذا فقد شخصًا! أنا، حين فقدت شخصًا، توقفت. كان هو الماشي وأنا تابعه. كنت الماشي فيه.و حين توقَّف، لم تعُدْ لي قدمان.
تأخرتُ وزاحفٌ وأتبخَّر. كيف إذن سأُعيد شخصًا ذاب؟ أليس عليَّ بالأحرى أن أعيد أولاً نفسي؟ أن أعود على الأقل قطرةَ ماء كاملة، تنزل على ورقة، على عين، على ضلعٍ على ضفَّة؟
أليس عليَّ، لكي أُخرج من الطحلب شخصًا، أن أكون على الأقل من ماء البحيرة؟
تأخرتُ ولن أصل. كلُّ ما أفعله أني أرى، أرى من بعيد. رؤيةٌ مشوَّشة من عين شيء لا هو غيمة، ولا هو ماء، ولا جماد ولا بخار.
إني، إذن، لا أرى.
كلُّ هذا مجرَّد خيال. عتمةٌ تستجدي عتمة. ولن أرى ولن أصل ولن أستعيد شخصًا ولن أعيده…
إني، فقط، أحاول أن أزحف. أحاول أن ألحق برفاقي.
لكنهم صاروا بعيدين، بعيدين جدًا.
ربما كنتُ في الماضي شخصًا يبحث عن شخص ذابَ أو ربما كنت أنا الذائب. الآن، حتى ولا قطرة. وفي تماهيَّ المرعب بين الماء والبخار والشخص، أبحثُ عن إسمٍ أعرّفُ به نفسي حين ألتقي النمل والعشب والطير. أنت الزاحف مثلي، ستتوقَّف حتمًا على نتوء. ارسلْ لي من هناك نداء، وبه سأسمّي نفسي.
متماه بين ماء وجماد وبخار. مع ذلك لي مفاصل!
ومفاصلي بينها فراغات. ترتطم المياهُ بها، ترتطم الرياح بها، ويرتطم الناس.
ناسٌ كثيرون يعبرون الآن بين مفاصلي. لا أعرف من أين يأتون ولا إلى أين يذهبون. لكنهم يرتطمون بعظامي.
ناسٌ التقيتُهم مرَّة، ناسٌ التقيتُهم مرات، وناس لم ألتقِهم… لكنهم يتدفَّقون الآن، ويدقُّون على عظامي.
عليَّ أن أفتح هذه العظام لكي يدخلوا.
لو كانت هذه العظام بابًا!
من أين جاؤوا؟!
أظنُّ أن الذين ننظر إليهم يدخلون في أجسادنا عَبْرَ عيوننا ويصيرون دمًا و لحمًا.
وبعضهم يصير من المارة التائهين بين مفاصلنا.
… ونستمرُّ، هكذا، نسمع طَرقات على عظامنا.
إني أسمع الآن دقَّات ماء
وعليَّ أن أفتح.

 

صوت: أحمد قطليش.
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